“Yes, how much can I say that I’m strong and can handle it ?! I already know that. Can’t you just sympathize and let me be weak ?! (Honey, thank you for your support!) ”
“I urgently need hugs, let’s see you again”
“It seems our relationship has come to an end. He has a strange project that he doesn’t even have time to write for the whole day, not to mention that we don’t see each other. Okay, I’ll pretend that everything is in order, while there is no clear evidence. (Have a nice day, dear! Successful work today! – Thank you, dear! I kiss) ”
“Thank you for listening! I feel better”
“Friends, thank you for responding! It has become much easier to let go of the situation. Your recommendations and support are invaluable! ”
These are examples of those thoughts and dialogues that over the past month have shown me that in addition to the languages of love, there are different languages of support.
If you ever had the feeling that in a difficult situation no one understands you and cannot support you, then most likely you could not immediately notice this, since her expression was offered to you in a different way than the one that you closer.
I will share the main languages of positive support that I highlighted:
Hug. It is known that when hugs, the substance serotonin, or the hormone of happiness, is released. At these moments, the human hormonal system is leveled, and health is better. To understand if this type of person is suitable for your loved one, try to gently begin to hug him. If mutual hugs follow, just give it warmth. Usually ideal for overt kinesthetics.
Leave alone. This support language is suitable for those who are easier to be alone. As in the third example (at the very beginning), it seemed to me that my loved one was avoiding me. When we discussed the situation, it was only he who was very focused on the project and wanted to complete it soon, without being distracted by meetings and conversations.
Cheer up! Often in difficult times we try to dispel the sadness or heavy thoughts of a friend with invigorating sayings and the series “You can!”, “You can do it!”, “What about the face ?! Get together! ”,“ You are a man! ”Etc. Again, the best indicator that such support has entered is human feedback. If he himself began to chant such slogans addressed to him, actively move and talk loudly, then this option is good for him. In the first example, you can see that this language most likely caused rejection, because it needed the following type.
To regret. I can confidently say that such a language is suitable only for individual strong personalities with a developed Author’s position. If you feel sorry for the victim who is only waiting for this, you reinforce negative behavior. In the first example, there was just the case when you just had to say “You are my little one, and how much of this work you have” and immediately cheer up! As a rule, strong personalities really already know this for themselves, they have a well-developed responsibility and often they simply cannot afford weakness. They are also perfectionists, and at times of failure it is difficult to accept their defeats. Therefore, for some, the really best option for support is to relieve stress and give the right to stay a little weak (but not relax).
Give advice. We remember that educated people do not engage in counseling, so we can express our opinion, give a recommendation only upon request, or after specifying whether a person needs it. Often in a non-resource state, a person sees the smallest number of possible solutions to his situation, and an outside opinion can help expand his view and see new ways.
To listen. Others do not even need advice at the price of gold, they just need to talk it out, and you should listen. Of course, it is not worthwhile to reinforce the eternal whiners and the victims eating in this way, but sometimes it is necessary for a consciously strong person.
To help. One simple way to support a loved one is to offer him help or help if he asks for it. Compassion is important to such people, a team that gives more strength and self-confidence.
To be near. Such support is suitable for those who have enough understanding that he is not alone. Remember how it was at school? Two students went to the teacher, “I knock, you say.” This is the so-called support group, which does not perform specific supportive actions, but provides emotional replenishment of confidence. Like fans in the stadium – they don’t go out to play with the players, but only create an atmosphere.
Express an indifferent attitude. It looks like magic, but when we think about a loved one, about his deeds, he senses it. You can be at a distance, you can not perform special auxiliary actions, but the fact that the affairs of another are important to you help him to cope with complex tasks. It can be just a message in the morning “how are you?” Or keeping up the topic of conversation – it’s important to make it clear that you are also not indifferent to this matter.
Take care. The job is to take on some of the household functions, for example.