What the grandmother will teach the child
Grandmothers are joy. Grandmother is already a wise woman who now has time to enjoy working with her grandchildren — that is, your children, for whom you sometimes do not have enough time. If the grandmother is still a loving and educated person, then your grandchildren are lucky.
However, grandmothers are different, and the main – traditional – claim to grandmothers is that they pamper children. “And my grandmother allows me to watch this movie!” The 6-year-old girl calls out defiantly and pouts her lips. The child is about to cry, and the bewildered mother makes a helpless gesture: what can I do, since my grandmother allows. Yes, often after talking with your grandmother, a child begins to protest against the standards of your upbringing. And what to do?
Do not worry, do not be angry, there is nothing wrong with this yet, everything is decided. Usually, a simple explanation is enough for the children: “When you were with your grandmother, your grandmother was the main one. Grandmother even we obey her. And when you returned to us, then we are the main ones and our orders. Therefore, we go to bed on time!” – And that’s it. This is an explanation of the change of power.
There is another option – an explanation of the change of circumstances: “You went to bed with your grandmother later because you did not have to get up early. Now you will go to school again and you need to sleep.” – The main thing is to do everything calmly and confidently. Your policy is right because it is your child.
Children readjust easily. They easily learn that at home there are some orders, and at school they are different, while the teacher has some requirements for them, and their friends have different requirements. And they change: with a teacher, a child behaves like a student, with friends – like their peer. It is natural and there is nothing complicated here.
It is not difficult for smart parents to control the behavior of children after contacts with grandmothers, the difficulty is rather different in the suggestions, undesirable views that our children can get from our grandmothers. The behavior is visible and corrected promptly, and suggestions can not be noticed, and they can “shoot” later, when they have already taken root in the child’s head.
If a grandmother teaches a child superstition, your child may become superstitious. This, of course, is not very scary, but perhaps it is not included in your plans. And if suddenly the grandmother begins to convey religious views to your child that are different from yours, there can be very serious problems.
What to do with it?
– Be careful. If possible, first give the child to grandmother briefly and then take a closer look, listen to what the child has in his head.
– It is always useful to talk with the child, find out how he spends time with his grandmother, what he likes and what doesn’t.
– When you gather at the table of your grandmother at the table, don’t talk a lot yourself, but listen to what your grandmother tells and inspires your children. If you hear very controversial things, it’s better not to argue with this here at the table: disputes, it happens, just attract the attention of the child to the fact that in another case he will simply miss his ears. As a last resort, you can say: “That’s how grandmother thinks, and we love grandmother. But our family thinks differently.”
– It is more difficult if your grandmother runs into you when she is a child, discussing and criticizing your methods of education. “Why are you all in such control of the children? Why are you not allowing them to watch these shows? There is nothing wrong with them!” Again: it is very undesirable to have discussions with children, because if a child suddenly takes the side of his grandmother, you find yourself in a very problematic situation. Kiss grandmother, switch grandmother, and theoretical discussions, if you think they are necessary, organize later, without children.
– If the grandmother tries to instill in the child principles and models of behavior that are unacceptable from your point of view, you can try to talk with the grandmother. Without argument: “Our children don’t eat sweets. Can we agree with you that you don’t feed them sweets?” And it’s best not to discuss what is needed, but what you need, what you want, what your grandmother could give to your children. Our grandmothers have a lot of strengths as educators, and it is better to focus on just that. If, for example, your grandmother is really a strong teacher, ask her to work with the child in-depth subject. If you are fond of theater, ask her to take her grandson with her for several performances. When the grandmother is carried away by the “task”, she will have less time for “education”.
And our grandparents need to be loved, and your attention, love and respect for them is the model that your children learn. Do you want your children to be loving? Take care of your parents and let your children help you. Do you want your children to respect elders? Obey your parents themselves when you come to visit them, and the children will learn your example. And if you are a very decent person, then our grandparents can also be loved because you, such wonderful ones, were born and raised by them all the same. Thanks!