The Taming of the Shrew, or How to Put a Husband on a Distance
Putting your soulmate on the Distance is a thankful result, but not easy in itself. Especially if your other half is an adult and mature, with your own opinion, sometimes stubborn and stubborn. He, in general, does not prevent you from doing “all sorts of cute stupid things,” such as psychology, and even really supports your new beginnings, but he doesn’t! “I have other interests!”, “Why do I need this?”, “It was you who entered there. And what have I got to do with it? ”- perhaps the most typical answers to the offer to go to the training, Sinton-cinema or to join the Distance.
What to do in this situation? After all, it turns out that you go forward, achieve something, rethink something, change old attitudes, overestimate values - in a word, you move! And at this time, another oar of your family boat, which worked in a habitually measured rhythm, continues to row along the beaten track of automatisms, creating turns, congestion and cycles. How not to slip into a situation where the husband is a “suitcase without handles,” which is hard to carry and it is a pity to leave? After all, he is his own, dear and beloved, and you, like, are still one, but already different.
Of course, all families are unique, and my recipes can work selectively, but they can probably be added to the ideas box.
1. Do not force or pull
As the law of physics says, any action gives rise to opposition. The sold place is trying not only to restore its original form, but also to bend back. Pressing, you run the risk of not only refusing to participate in your psychological plans and ideas, but also persistent rejection and resistance to your activities in general. This also applies to “soft” punching – persuasion, exhortations, beliefs.
2. Give your soulmate time
Indeed, standing on the Distance, you are changing. Sometimes you change noticeably. And my half personally tells me about it at times. Your changes are a new and unusual thing, not only for you, but also for him, this is a way out of your comfort zone. Exit to the unknown.
Therefore, the best tactic here is to give your beloved time to look around, get used to, exhale. And from here follows the third rule:
3. Support your other half
It is natural that we encounter all changes with caution. “What to expect from this new person nearby? How will this affect our lives? What will entail? ”- perhaps he will not tell you about these doubts, but he might think so. Moreover, this new person is nearby – distant and UPPshnik, which clearly does not guarantee a quiet sleepy life! In addition, you now have new interests, new friends, you periodically go to classes and spend time on something that you did not spend on before.
Therefore, try to gently support and cheer up your loved one, reassure that your relationship is important and dear, your feelings have not cooled, and despite the appearance of this new wave in your life, you value it and it can still rely on you.
4. Change tactics
Personally, I approached this task creatively. Having understood that the policy of persuading is stalling (see point 1), I decided to just turn to my husband for help. The text was something like this:
“You know, now, while studying, a huge amount of new information fell on me, which is sometimes difficult to process. And also a Distance with exercises, where it would be nice to have a side view and control. It is most difficult to see yourself with different eyes. Could you help me deal with some issues and do some distant exercises with me? To tell me what needs to be corrected? ”
If the second half agreed to help you, then do not skimp on gratitude and praise. For her, this is also a step.
So, for today, “I am well done!” More precisely, “we are well done!” Because as a result of the above steps:
1. My other half agreed to take some Distance exercises with me.
The agreement is this – he takes only what is in line with his views, it seems logical and reasonable to him.
2. “We remove NO-ki” – hit number 1 in the family.
Exercise goes with a bang! Now I clearly know that you can’t say “Dorga, I won’t be cocoa.” You have to say, “Honey, I’ll be cocoa later.” Corrects me, corrects itself. Comes up with answers to avoid NO. Creativity is a magnificent color!
3. Seriously involved in pondering the Family Constitution. I studied that they write about this “Code of the builders of communism”, the Bible and the Koran. He said that he would think further, interesting links will be thrown into the mail. LIKE THIS!!!!
Good luck to all family Distance!