A crisis in a relationship is a period when your previous relationship has ceased to suit you. When the couple no longer wants to live as before, and the relationship can not develop according to the old patterns. If the relationship was expensive, then the crisis is painfully experienced.
The partner’s habits that you didn’t pay attention to are now constantly annoying. You don’t understand how you didn’t notice this before him (her)? Your eyes seem to open wide, you get the feeling that you used to be hibernated, in a fog, bewitched, but now you suddenly woke up and you feel disappointed. As if you were deceived! …
The family is similar to a living organism and in its development goes through the traditional stages and stages, which can be called the levels of family development. This is the period of courtship, then living together without children, then – a family with a small child, a mature family and a family with adult children. Then the children leave their parents, leaving for an independent life. For many families, an additional turning point is retirement, when you have to rebuild life in a completely new way.
If people do not know how to cope with difficulties and now and then fall into crises, then they have a crisis in one area that supports and provokes a crisis in another. Then the crisis in relations begins to be fueled by age-related crises: a child crisis of 3 years, a teenage crisis, a midlife crisis. Arrived and began to live in a family, someone’s aunt or the family moved to the cottage – a new situation can easily provoke new outbreaks of difficulties in relationships. The experience of the death of loved ones, failure with a project or job loss, long illnesses – all this, of course, is a family’s strength.
Are there relationships without crises?
The fact that any family is surely going through crises, all the more so a series of predetermined and mandatory crises, is not true. It is a myth. However, there is some truth behind this myth. Relations without crises do exist, but rarely and only among mature, wise people who think about the future, care about the future and know how to prevent future difficulties.
And – how many such families? Are many of your friends and acquaintances fully mature and wise people, experts in the field of building family relationships? Hardly. Since there are few such people, it is more realistic to accept that normal people have good and lasting relationships that cannot develop without crises. Often, rarely, but at least difficult periods in relationships occur in almost any family.
The question is not whether there are crises. The question is whether you can overcome these difficult moments in a relationship. How long the crisis will last and how it will end is the question, and it definitely depends on you.
In a good family, spouses take the crisis philosophically: “Yes, it happens. Now there is a crisis. So what? Anyway, we’ll solve everything, everything will definitely settle down after a while. Anyway, we will be together!”
In other families, the crisis is more difficult: the relationship goes into a sluggish stage for a long time, when you don’t want to live together and it’s difficult to break up. Here betrayal, addiction, serious illness and other troubles begin. It happens that a crisis ends with a cessation of relations. More often, however, the crisis is similar to a runny nose and does not last long, from several weeks to months.
The crisis destroys the old relationship, and if you are interested, with the help of the crisis you can create new relationships that are more suitable for you, go to a new stage in the development of relations.
The main question in the crisis is to get a divorce or not?
When a partner is annoying, he wants to divorce him. Is this right? The only correct answer here is that this decision must not be made under the influence of emotions. On the contrary, the most responsible decisions need to be checked by situations when emotions contradict your possible choice.
Namely, the decision to start a family must be made when you are in a quarrel. That is, even if you quarreled, but you want to live together anyway – it means that the decision is more likely the right one. But the decision to terminate the relationship should be made only on a clear head, when your relationship has somehow improved. If you seem to have reconciled, everything seems to be fine, but you don’t want to live together – this does not mean that you are getting divorced correctly. This means something else: that you can think about divorce …