Acquaintance of a daughter with a new dad
After a divorce from my husband, two years later, I began a new relationship with another man. Everything developed well, but I had my five-year-old daughter, so the question arose before me: “How will the child accept the new dad, how will the man accept my child?” Today I understand that this wording “accept – not accept” itself gave rise to fear in me, negative pictures were drawn in my head on how to save myself from fears – I did not quite understand. No one can guarantee you that your child and your beloved man will immediately make friends, but you can confidently say that you need to put the question in a different way, namely: “What is the best way to arrange a meeting of two people I love so that they can easily meet each other and find out more quickly friend? ” I’ll translate it again: it’s silly to discuss “they will accept – they will not accept”, they will certainly accept, it depends on me only how to help this.
I think I started right – with a conversation with my beloved man. It was not difficult to arrange a conversation: we still discussed the Family Contract Questionnaire, and that turned out to be completely helpful. Actually, the conversation about how we see the joint upbringing of our girl turned out to be an additional test of the seriousness of his relationship. I told everything as it is, what my golden daughter is, and what troubles are ahead of us anyway. In response, I heard what I expected – interest, willingness, initiative. Together we began to draw happy pictures of our lives for the three of us. Hurrah!
The second conversation naturally took place with my daughter. It turned out to be simple, she began a conversation. Several times after hearing our enthusiastic telephone conversation, my daughter asked me: “Mom, are you hiding something from me?” I hugged her prettyly and cheerfully told me about a good person with whom I became friends and with whom I want to introduce her. So, I think, where would we go together? Where would you like My daughter turned on right away, we started to fantasize.
Actually, I’ve already thought over everything: the choice of a place of acquaintance is really an important moment. It is better if it is a neutral place, some new territory where you can organize joint activities: it can be a park, attractions, a family cafe. It turned out to be a joint trip to nature with us, and a week later an excursion to the nearest beautiful city nearby. Everyone liked it – it’s a simple matter to walk, and a lot of ice cream and other goodies were eaten!
Then we started spending the weekend together. This helped us to gradually recognize each other’s habits, find common interests, and draw pictures of our common leisure activities in the future.
Of course, I wanted to be more with my beloved man, but I tried not to make drastic changes in our lifestyle. I made sure not to give reasons for my daughter’s jealousy and gave her time, as before. Actually, fifteen minutes before bedtime, to be alone and with a child is not very much, and my daughter felt that she was dear to me and loved. Soon it was the birthday of my beloved man, and my daughter and I were already preparing a gift for him together: when the daughter herself gave him her drawing, this finally cemented our already close friendships.
Of course, after that we discussed a lot more: separately with our beloved, and separately with my daughter, and all three of us together. Together we thought about how we see our future life, we painted happy pictures of family life together already!
I think you will succeed too.