Prevention of sick attachments
Attachments are good as long as you need each other and your attachments are not sick, soft, rather playful. If your partner’s relationship shows a tough, sick attachment to you, then this is a dangerous situation. A person with such affection gives inappropriate reactions: he literally pursues the object of his “love”, calls at any time of the day, demands to be with him, threatens to deprive himself, or even of another life.
How to prevent such a relationship? What to do if such a person, nevertheless, appeared next to you? How to end such a relationship, if they have already begun?
The most important rule that you need to adopt is not to mess with those who may develop a sick attachment. Starting to build a relationship with a new person, listen to his words, look at emotions. If, suddenly, you begin to hear from him something like “I can’t live without you,” said in all seriousness with real emotions, then this is a clear alarm signal and you will be prompted: “This relationship needs to be quickly stopped.”
If you missed the first calls and faced with explicit affection, then the most correct and reliable method is a complete and final break, a complete termination of relations and any kind of contacts . It is necessary to part without hearty conversations, without long explanations and attempts to agree on the future. Categorically!
Why so tough? This is the only reasonable way out, since a person in this state has the same status as a person in a strong alcoholic intoxication. Will you talk about anything with a drunk when he came to ask you for quite a bit of money? Will you tell him that it is not good to drink, that you have already given him the money, and he has not returned it to you, what are you giving for the last time, and that he will not come again? That’s right, you won’t, because it’s pointless. It is just as pointless to talk with those who look at you with crazy eyes and promise you anything, just to keep you from leaving.
Talking is useless. This is the same as sawing off a hand for a long time. In this case, the right decision is to disperse and stop any communication. No calls from you, no answers to him – as if you were dead. You are not. Relations end administratively, not psychologically.
If a person promises to do something terrible with himself, threatens suicide, do not take it seriously. Why? Not why, but why – just to prevent suicide. Because suicide happens exactly where suicide threats are reacted by anxiety and spiritual awe, where there are worried viewers on this subject. And in a relationship where it is listened to no matter how stupid, nothing terrible happens, because there is no audience for this performance. If the case is controversial – consult a psychologist, and even better – a psychiatrist, this is not your question, but his.
If the case is not so difficult, the person is still sane and you want to risk destroying the situation more constructively, you can try the method of “Load personal development.” This method will require more psychological preparation than the first, but if you can successfully apply it, your “partner” will either grow wise quickly, become the right person for you, or very quickly want to break up on his own.
What is the essence of this method? In this method, you do not move away from the person, you continue to meet with him as before, but the main, and better, the only topic of your communication is his personal growth and development. At any convenient and inconvenient moment, you talk about how cool, right and necessary it is, and start giving useful tasks and exercises. For example, you want to do daily time tracking, mastering the total Yes, and at each meeting ask about the results of the implementation.
The main thing is to do this without irony, in all seriousness, with a positive attitude towards a person. But at the same time be persistent, and despite the protests do not turn off the intended line.
After that, a person will have only two options: either really start to do all this and grow personally, or start avoiding communication with you. And, probably, you already understood: if a person begins to grow personally, soon he will be able to free himself from his sick attachments.