Loves a woman, loves a child
“Loves a woman, loves a child.” I very often hear this saying when it comes to talking about the children that a man receives with his beloved woman.
Does a man give love to a woman an automatic opportunity to become sympathetic to her child?
As I have to observe, it does not. Very many men do not at all have enthusiastic feelings for the children of their women from previous relationships.
And is it the only “fault” here of this particular man?
As life shows, men even love their own children not so much for the call of blood, but for specific personality traits. If for some reason the father does not like the personality of the child, then often the father also does not observe love and strong affection for the child. And if in a situation of biological paternity, the father can be asked – where is his own contribution to the personality of his child, so that it delights him? In the case of a foster child, such questions are no longer relevant.
Here, the man of this child sees only for the first time in his eyes and simply observes … Observes – what kind of person is he?
If you follow the conviction that “he loves a woman, he will also love a child”, then it is legitimate to ask a question – does the child have the same character qualities as the beloved of this man? Probably not. The child has his own set of qualities. Then, why such a worldly fantasy on the theme of all-consuming love from a man? This worldly fantasy has its roots in the belief that they love for nothing.
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My friends, there has been confusion in terms of this fantasy. This sexual feeling is experienced just like that, simply because it is. And once a suitable object has come into view, it means that sexual feeling will leap up, in and of itself, regardless of what character traits this sexual object is endowed with. An object should only be necessarily endowed with suitable gender attributes. Sometimes the symptoms are so luxurious or the emotional diet was so long that the feeling just rolls over.
They say – love has come …
Alas … only a sexual attraction descends, which may well transform into love. And it lasts for a while. Sometimes enough that people want to join a family. In which sometimes come with the woman and her children. But a man has no sexual feeling, thank God.
Love must appear. But from scratch it does not arise. People create love by their own efforts: at the expense of their own qualities and those of the opposite side. Your man’s love for your child must also be created.
It would be good for a man to help in this matter.
How? Sit down and discuss – how does he represent his relationship with the child? What responsibilities will he take towards the child that will help him more quickly and better establish contact with him? At the same time, to talk about whether there is something that causes tension in your man when communicating with a child and, in general, that he would like to vaccinate a child, what would he like to pay attention to when raising him? And for yourself to decide – you, as a mother, are ready to invest in it, are you ready to support your beloved man in his educational preferences?
And also, the mother will need to talk with the child – what responsibilities does he take to ensure that the person with whom they become one family is comfortable and cozy? (it’s clear that I’m talking about a child older than five to six years).
In order for this story to have a happy ending, it is necessary that people who decide to unite in a family, in principle, know how to love. We would be able to see the virtues in another person, would be able to appeal to its best sides, would be able to make the person next to them feel smarter, kinder and more beautiful. They would be able to trim their desires for the desires of others. Able to negotiate.
All these skills must be taught to the little man, as well as all these skills must be found in the man with whom the woman wants to start a family, not to mention the fact that the woman herself must possess them. Otherwise, hoping for a love that accidentally descends into this family is groundless. I repeat, the sexual feeling accidentally starts up. For a short while. And it does not apply to children.
How hard it is for the mother to hear – her child will not be allowed into the soul just like that and will make demands, like any other person, they will look and look closely: what is he like? with what character? is he obedient sociable? benevolent? is he well-mannered? etc. They will look and decide: I want to love this man? And they may well decide that – I do not want to. Someone, due to the fact that in general, there is no ability to love. There is only the ability to experience sexual feelings. And here already, mummies, look who you choose as your life partner. And someone (with an average ability for love) will not fall in love, simply because he will not at all like a poorly mannered man. It is advisable for moms to remember this and raise their child so that people like him.