Family is a common goal
What makes a couple stable and what is not in most Russian families
You have met or heard such stories. Imagine a queue near the office of an official. About 20 people are sitting and everyone needs a single reference. And then the secretary comes out and reports that the official is no longer accepting today, and has just left. What you will see the unity of angry citizens, who had not before and did not care about each other!
Also in the family. Imagine: a couple, not the first year together, tired of family life. They tolerate each other, but on the whole they have not experienced much pleasure from communicating with each other for a long time – a lot of discontent, disagreement, and resentment have accumulated. But suddenly something happened. For example, a child fell ill, and not just with a runny nose, but with something requiring a long and difficult treatment. And parents unite in front of a common task – the child must be cured at all costs, and all disagreements, emotions (or lack thereof) go to the background.
What is the matter here, what is common in these stories? This secret is known to coaches and presenters of various groups, as well as good leaders.
Any team is effective and sustainable when united by a common goal that is close, understandable and shared by all members of the team. A family, of course, is also a collective of two or more people.
In our culture, the idea to consciously set goals, and even more so the goals of the family, is still exotic. But spontaneously goals are sometimes set by themselves. The young family agreed that they want to have a baby. They switch to a healthy lifestyle, undergo necessary examinations, cancel contraception, and study literature on parenting. And – cheers! – After a while, the baby is safely born. Everyone is happy, the goal is achieved! But what is this – several months pass and in many families a tormented, tired, irritated mother and an equally tortured and evil dad are found – mutual understanding is reduced, the unity of the spouses leaves much to be desired. There is no new goal, only a solid groundhog day. It is clear that they are still connected by love for each other and for the baby. But also the feeling of a groundhog day, the expectation that “he’ll grow up” – this does not add to the awareness of the movement.
What does setting a common goal give?
– Union. People have a common idea, a common goal, and with it common plans. Immediately becomes more quality time spent together – not for watching TV, but for interesting activities.
– Common interests, topics for conversation. Clients sometimes complain “we only talk about everyday life”, “we see only the mom and dad of our child in each other, they forgot that we are in themselves interesting, strong personalities with horizons and intellect”. If you have common goals, you will talk about topics of interest to you, see each other in an interesting new light – like people who are moving towards a result.
– “I am engaged in self-development, I go to trainings, I grow, but my wife (husband) remains the same, does not move” is a very popular request in the environment of self-development. If you have agreed which way you are both striving, set goals in one general direction, both will have to develop at approximately the same speed. And with each other’s support, growth will be faster and more efficient.
– Having a common goal allows you to resolve differences based on this goal. You do not pull the blanket – I want one, and you want the other. “I want” is fading into the background. When there is a strong common goal, the question is different – how will it be more effective?
– Together with unnecessary disagreements on the basis of “I want”, unnecessary emotions go by the wayside. The goal is about the mind; you have to correlate your impulses with reality.
– The feeling of a groundhog day completely decreases or leaves. Moving toward a goal makes every day a small (or not so small) step in its direction. You see progress, rejoice at it together, congratulate each other, overcome common difficulties – life is more fulfilled and interesting.
What are the common goals, in addition to generally accepted mortgages, having a baby, and educating children?
In sports. Do you dance together? Jogging? Interested in fitos? Set goals – participation in competitions, some kind of joint distance. At the same time you will get additional motivation – it’s more pleasant to work together and there are less reasons to be lazy!
In finance. Earn a certain amount for a year together. Moreover, not everyone’s contribution is important, but the total amount: even if she is a housewife, she can help her husband, organize his affairs, inspire him, etc.
By relationship. To be together and feel joy from it. Or “365 sunny days a year” – not a day in a quarrel and in a bad mood. Or by such a date to be from each other in the same enthusiasm as on the first date)
Self-development. Read for two and discuss so many new (quality) books. Learn to understand painting, classical music, history or what you are interested in. Learn to sing, draw, dance tango. Master the technique of managing emotions, communication skills, undergo good training in relationships, business or confidence.