Relations got, but we do not want to disperse
Once you could lie nearby and enjoy dreaming, looking into the high sky together, but today it’s hard for you to talk even on everyday topics. You used to love walking, holding hands, but today you don’t want to think about kissing him or her … Relationships sometimes get messy, but you have a common house, you have children, and it seems silly to disperse …
If your relationship has bothered you in your couple, but you believe that your relationship curves can be corrected, and, moreover, you want to correct them, then the following recommendations will help you. They are not fiction, they are developed in practice. They are tested, they work, but only among intelligent people who, in their own experience, developed and tested them. And, most importantly, these are not abstract recommendations, but clear and working instructions.
Interesting to try? Please be welcome!
First: humor on a partner is prohibited. Humor on the situation is wonderful, humor on yourself – please, the humor “We are funny” is already more careful, and the humor “You are funny” is at least temporarily better stopped. Dangerously. Restore relations – return this joy to yourself, but for now do not risk it.
Second: we work out the internal Well, for which, first of all, we monitor our face. If the face is a little going into tense or dissatisfied wrinkles – sculpt the patch on the forehead. If the partner has noticed tension or discontent, he does not criticize, but waves his hand to us. And we agreed that this is a sign, and now we need to say “Good!” With a satisfied voice and face, together with our partner.
Third: agree on criticism. Namely, we agree that we do not criticize each other, and criticism of each other is prohibited. At the same time, we take into account that we are not perfect, we understand that criticism will break through anyway, and therefore we accept the paradoxical rule: “Criticism is prohibited, but for violating this, that is, for criticism that was addressed to us, we do not criticize” .
And then what to do, how to reduce criticism?
This is point four: everyone follows his own criticism. Namely, everyone records the moments when he wanted to criticize his partner, and notes how many times he restrained himself. The recommended norm is 50%, that is, you need to restrain yourself in half the cases. One time they allowed themselves to criticize, another time they kept the desire to criticize in themselves, they kept their criticism with them.
Five: helping a partner. Namely, we track not only our criticism, but also the criticism of the partner, namely, we record those moments when criticism sounded in our direction. In the evening we transfer our notes to the partner, he will compare this with his notes, and this will be his help.
Attention: you need to agree that during a conversation to stand and defiantly record a partner’s conversation is not offensive, but normal. It is forbidden to be offended by this.
Six: you can translate your criticism into a reasonable, friendly and constructive form: into the form of prompts and thoughts, how something can be done better. Not “Stop yelling at the children!”, But “You know, yesterday in a similar situation it helped me a lot to agree with the children …”
However, in many pairs this was also slowed down: if someone abused them with tips or turned them into teachings, an additional rule was adopted: you need to ask permission for tips and advice. If you want to give advice, ask your partner: “Can I give you advice?” If you were allowed, yes, say it. If not, then leave your prompts to yourself, and no offense.
And as an outlet, point seven, in the evening we allocate special half an hour of time for wishes. Everything important that we have not forgotten, we speak only at this time. That is, if you wanted to criticize or teach a partner, then we are doing it only now, only at this time – and together we are discussing in what form this would sound good and not offensive. The wording “I was very offended when you said with my parents that I’m not very good at cooking” is really not the most successful, and maybe next time you will put it another way: “You’re right, I’m really not very good I’m cooking, but it seems to me that we better discuss this issue between us, without parents. How do you think?”.