Wise people do not forgive anyone, but demanding people do not forgive everyone at once
Forgiveness – the removal of claims and accusations, the cessation of resentment and anger towards the previously guilty. Forgiveness is the world. It is a world for yourself and a declaration of peace for the one you are angry with.
Note: your forgiveness is not omnipotent. If you haven’t forgiven, it’s not obvious that a person is worried because of this, and if you have forgiven, it’s not at all necessary that a person will feel better immediately afterward. People are still quite autonomous creatures, and their experiences depend not only on us, on our words and our attitude, but also on the inner position of the person himself. If the one who is guilty feels guilty before us, then forgiveness usually reduces his feelings. However, if the experiencing person is more versed in himself, then your forgiveness does not play a key role for him.
Nevertheless, the main questions about “forgiveness” are: “Do I forgive everything” and “How to forgive?” We will try to answer them.
Is it always forgiving? Is everything forgiving?
The question is very complex, because it constantly confuses two different meanings – behavioral and emotional. Someone, speaking of forgiveness, thinks of his experience (“Have I forgiven or haven’t forgiven? Has the insult gone or not?”), And someone else – about how to behave now (“Forgive him or not let ? “). You can forgive behaviorally, but not mentally. “Come on, come in!” (and in the soul resentment remained). You can forgive mentally, but not behaviorally. “I understand you and I’m not angry with you, but I realized that such a relationship doesn’t suit me. We part, don’t call me again.” Bottom line, call it in different words: behavioral forgiveness and spiritual forgiveness.
The wisest, most mentally healthy people in the soul do not forgive anyone – precisely because they do not blame anyone. Forgiveness is the removal of claims and accusations, the cessation of resentment and anger … Why start claims and accusations? Why fall into resentment and anger? Wise people do not do this, so they do not need to forgive anyone.
Remember how the Dhammapada teaches this? “He insulted me, he hit me, he prevailed over me, he robbed me.” For those who harbor such thoughts, hatred does not stop. “He insulted me, he hit me, he prevailed over me, he robbed me.” For those who are not fraught with such thoughts, hatred ceases. For never in this world does hatred cease with hatred, but the absence of hatred ceases … ”
The soul of the wise is pure from anger and resentment, but how to come to this? Since people do not reach the heights of mental development all at once, it is reasonable to set a more realistic task: not to get stuck in their grievances and accusations, to forgive faster and easier. Those who work at the Distance come to this through the exercises “I don’t play the Sacrifice”, “Inner well” and “If I loved”. In addition, the most important point is the work with the beliefs “Who owes what to whom.” The most serious and global step is the adoption of the Declaration on the adoption of reality.
We warn you right away – all these methods work only for those people who are able to somehow cope with their feelings and use their minds. If you live in a different philosophy and it is impossible to solve such questions in a reasonable way, you prefer to turn to your unconscious and talk with your feelings, then your situation is more difficult. See the articles Work with resentment, with anger. How I forgave my husband
However, one does not always need to hide one’s grievances and anger, and one does not always need to be immediately freed. The fact is that some people react only to the language of feelings. They really do not understand normal requests and calm words, and until they see tears or at least serious resentment and frustration, they do not respond. So, in such cases, you need to be offended / angry, hold offense and forgive not immediately … If getting angry (for men) or offending (for girls) is advisable and will be useful for the prospects of a good relationship, then – why not?
In the film “Love and Doves,” the peasant put family money on pigeons. How much was his wife angry with him? 4 minutes? Do you think this will give the desired result? It seems that there will not be enough …
If we talk not about the soul, not about experience, but about behavior, then the situation here is completely different.
If a person asks you for forgiveness for some trifle (like, I’m sorry that I accidentally pushed you), then you can and should immediately forgive him and boldly expect that this person will try not to push you anymore. Total: educated people forgive little things easily. If it’s not about trifles, then the question becomes more difficult.
It is important to understand: “forgiveness” or “not forgiveness” is only an influence tool that works in some cases and not in some. So try on: if it affects a specific person, then use it. If it does not work, then do not rest.