Criticism offensive and unfair: what to do about it?
Culture is not peculiar to everyone, and from many people and more than once you will once hear both stupid and offensive remarks. If possible, it is better to skip such rubbish criticism without even discussing it. “The dogs are barking, the caravan is coming.” Do your job in the best way possible, and do not waste time bickering with those who criticize you out of business, not understanding, or just doing billing.
A much more complicated situation is when unfair and insulting criticism sounds to you from the boss or seniors. How to react to this? – In any case, start by doing what you are told, all the more likely that it is not criticism that is not fair, and you do not understand everything in what is happening. Chef or seniors often – know better. Another thing, the offensive form of comments to you – yes, this is not the case. If the relationship with them is good, after all, you can ask you to make comments in a more acceptable form for you. It is often very useful to formulate in plain text how you can be criticized so that you perceive it normally. And if your relationship is problematic, then instead of being offended by an unpleasant form of criticism towards you, think about the main thing: is it possible to change the relationship? Or – what else to do to change the situation as a whole?
And a very special situation when unfair criticism in an insulting form sounds from a loved one. It is clear that everyone has emotions, that this does not characterize your relationship as a whole, but it is still not worth encouraging it. If the person next to you is still adequate, how do you respond to offensive and unfair criticism in your direction?
Let’s analyze the situation:
In the car: the husband asked his wife to see a traffic jam map on the road. The wife looked and said that the roads are clear. After 5 minutes, the family still gets stuck in traffic, and it turns out that the wife did not study the map carefully enough. The husband is upset and criticizes his wife. She feels unjustly offended, because sincerely tried to do everything well.
If the wife begins to talk about her resentment, tension will increase. It’s better if she first outlines her feelings for herself (mentally): “Yes, I’m sorry that he criticizes me. This is very unpleasant. We need to think about what can be done so that next time he expresses his opinion in a different form. ” Then it will be easy for her to switch to the constructive: how much time will this traffic jam take, can you find the detour, how to return the joyful atmosphere in the car, etc. And, when traffic jams and problems become behind, it is already possible (and necessary) to return to that situation. Namely,
– I have a request to my beloved man! Can a beloved woman turn to her beloved man?
– Yes, you can!
– And he will kiss me right away as a sign of love and the warmest feelings?
– With pleasure! (kissing).
– I have a request for you to swear at me not immediately. You can’t swear at a beloved woman right away. We must do this without haste, first sort it out, think about what happened with her, and if she is completely inadequate, then swear at her. I sent us into this terrible traffic jam, of course you can quarrel, but still – not right away. Next time I’ll suggest not taking the time to take care of your loved ones. For my part, I would also take such an obligation, and when I want to quarrel with you, I will stop myself and will not do it right away. And at first I’ll try to figure it out. Beloved man, how do you like my request?
Those people who know how to cry in response to resentment are good. But when the hunt does not cry, but simply – it becomes vile. This is apparently hard to call an insult.
And he does it regularly. But you can’t do anything about it. Presented? Such a situation can cause anger, disgust, disgust, and something else. But it’s hard to call an insult. Nevertheless, yes, the injustice of the situation is felt. And negative emotions, too. Only this is no offense. And something else.