How to stop being Mommy
Women do not know how to love. Twist as you like, but this is the real truth.
Strongly said, yes?
That’s what I wanted to call this note, but I regretted Runet. He, sickly (causing compassion), has not yet departed from the past, which was called “Men hate weak women.” Having shown compassion, I reduced the intensity of provocation, and the title of the note is different.
Why did I want to name the article “Women Can’t Love”? Strictly speaking, because it is. Women really do not know how to love (here, of course, we must immediately make a reservation – this is exactly the same with men; they do not know how to love).
The thing is this: to love is to be on an equal footing. And women (and men) know how to be bad on equal terms. Women usually fall into the position of Mom (orders, teaches and controls) or Daughters (begs, helpless, controls, but in a different way).
Men have their own set – Daddy (orders, teaches and controls) and Son (begs, helpless, controls, but in a different way).
Instead of love, people (let’s unite everyone into one category) play etudes based on rigid script frames. For example, she, like Mommy, demands that he come home no later than ten, and he, like Sonny, cries to his friends about a bitter fate.
And it is not familiar to both that an adult man decides when to come home, and this decision depends on many factors. And, for example, if the wife is at home with two young children, then it is wise to come at all at six in the evening. And if she is alone and there are no children, but there is a girlfriend with whom they drink coffee in the kitchen, then you can stay.
And so in everything. Role relationships for marriage are simply disastrous.
Hence, many women have a question – “How to stop being his Mom?”
Well, I have something to answer. I warn you – the answer will be abstract. Only the most important and extremely brief.
So, a short guide “How to stop being a mommy for your husband.”
1. Admire. A parent praises his child because the child needs approval. But the pair does not need praise, but admiration. Praise is always an assessment, and one who is higher can evaluate. Admiration is an equal position. Therefore, instead of “you drive perfectly,” say “I love to watch you drive.” Instead of “you’ve done well with me,” say “how lucky I am with you.”
2. Give thanks. The parent must take care of the child, the child must obey the parent – these are strict role-playing stereotypes. The man initially, by default, does not owe you anything – and you too. And if so, any of its actions is voluntary. Did he wash the dishes? Give thanks. Nursed with children, giving you the opportunity to meet girlfriends? Give thanks. More thanking is the whole secret.
3. Consult. The parent is not required to consult with the child. It is necessary for the parent – he will raise the child at six in the morning. It’s necessary – he’ll be lucky with his grandmother. This is normal for a parent and child. Not so in adults. If the action of an adult somehow affects another adult, you should consult. What if there is a better solution?
4. Do not do for him. The parent does a lot for the child, because the child does not know how much and will not learn soon. For example, not every five-year-old baby can pet his shirt. A thirty year old man – maybe. Therefore, do not do for him what he can do himself. Of course, this does not mean that everyone is now on their own and no help to each other. This means that you don’t have to shoulder everything.
This, again, is a synopsis. But – a synopsis of working approaches. So if you are tired of being a mom to your husband, I recommend it for use.
Well, attentive men, I hope, understood that the same thing applies in the other direction – admire your woman, thank her, consult her and so on.