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And what are we going to talk about today?

“My father always tried to choose an interesting or useful topic during lunch to develop the mind of his children. In this way, he turned our attention to good deeds and to fair and prudent acts, ”Benjamin Franklin wrote in his autobiography. Question: Can your children write the same about you?
In fact, there are two questions. The first question is – do you have a tradition in your family for breakfast, lunch or dinner to get everyone together? We always do this. Well, almost always. In the morning, if you need to run away quickly and at different times, not everyone gets together. But any opportunity to get together, with the whole family – we must use it.
And you?
And the second question – what do you do together when you get together at the table? What are you talking about at lunch or dinner? In the family of Benjamin Franklin, the father asked the topic, and this topic was not random, but substantial, developing horizons and mind. From the conversations was not only joy, but also the result.
And you? And what are the results from your family gatherings at the table?
For many years, my wife and I made sure that at the table we had fun and easy. Our daughters tweeted, once school jokes told, once they bickered among themselves and gladly offended each other (this is their kind of entertainment), but since everything was good-natured and cute, it suited us all. So the years passed. The girls grew up, and suddenly, listening to their comments on already adult situations, I realized that they still remained children. It turns out I did not teach them to think. While they were twittering year after year, they only learned to twitter. But thinking is different. I did not teach them this, and they did not learn to think …

Good! So in our family there will be news.

Since then, our family has an order: at the table – no chatter. We sat down, well, a couple of phrases of a domestic nature, then any of us asks the question: “Who has a topic today? What are we going to discuss? ”In fact, the agenda is being determined. We determined the topic – that’s all, now there is no idle talk, now we are only talking about the case, discussing the issue. We discuss it carefully, together we clarify the theses and wordings, analyze the justifications and look for a solution. We learn to correctly formulate our thoughts, not to interrupt the interlocutor, to agree with the reasonable, not to deviate from the topic – we learn to think competently.
In fact, this does not have to be boring: easy humor goes well with the seriousness of the conversation. The content is serious. The form is living.

It would be untrue to say that all members of our family immediately accepted this new order with enthusiasm, but things soon got better. It turned out that in fact we have something to discuss, it turns out I have something to tell, and several deep discussions that suddenly happened showed us that talking seriously is much more interesting than a light chatter. It turns out that thinking is interesting!

And the most curious and unexpected thing is that over time it became clear that our relations have become warmer and closer. The past year for our relations has given us more than a dozen and a half years before. We began to trust each other more, to understand each other better – and to respect each other. And it is worth a lot.

Question: What is your experience? Have you tried that? Will you try? Do you? And what will boast?

Video from Yana Happiness: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Talking topics: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men marry? Why are there not enough normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A fairy tale that would not be better. Fee for the opportunity to be near a beautiful woman.

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