How to raise a husband so that everyone is happy
It is probably best for close people to communicate without any special psychological influences, simply, directly and openly. When a relationship is good, this is how it happens, but it doesn’t always happen … But what to do when people and relationships are problematic, when a person does not respond to normal requests? Yes, in these cases you have to turn to special tools …
Attention: scary words will be heard now, but don’t be afraid: these words are followed by very understandable and well-known things in which there is nothing to worry about.
The psychological means of effective influence include civilized training, operant conditioning, involvement, building the situation, anchoring and hidden suggestions. It sounds solid and even menacing, but you will be surprised when you get acquainted with reality: it seems that you do it daily, without noticing and not thinking. And when you notice, you don’t regret it, because in the hands of wise people any tool works for good.
So, the family situation. The husband is good, but sometimes unrestrained and easily frustrated by a cry (more often by children) in situations where you can solve the problem in a good way, and most importantly – he does not like any psychology and refuses to talk about such topics in principle. It is by no means possible to agree with him in a good way; it is useless to conflict. What if the wife still wants a more relaxed atmosphere in the family and the wife is talented?
For several days, the situation in the family is calm – the wife must somehow share with her husband her feelings about how he became calmer, softer, and his children began to listen much better.
And this is a hidden suggestion: “When it’s calmer, it’s better.”
The husband asked the children in the morning to restore order in the room in a calm voice, even cheerfully and kindly (this happens too) – the wife was right there, snuggled up to him, looked admiringly at him: “What is our dad! So that they would obey me , How you!”
There are two meanings. On the one hand, this is a slightly hidden suggestion: “Your calm treatment is effective and efficient,” on the other hand, and to a greater extent, it is a positive reinforcement.
In the evening, she asked him to put the children to bed. He went to drive them away from the TV, she stood behind him, laying her chin on his shoulder, and stroking him on the other shoulder. As a result, he formulated everything to the children quite calmly and civilized. She thanked him and kissed him.
What is it in technical language? Building a situation, anchoring, training.
Tomorrow he raised his voice a little on his wife in a situation where claims to his wife were hardly justified – she smiled, but did not respond in any way. After half a minute I went up to him, put his hands on his shoulders, warmly asked: “What should you cook for lunch?”, Then with cheerful eyes said: “You know, when you raise your voice a little, I hear hard. You tell me good, I’ll understand everything at once. Okay? ” – and got it, snuggled up to him like a child. Naturally, he hugged her and did not curse, she quickly turned the conversation on an extraneous topic and in a positive.
This is operant conditioning in the expanded form: negative reinforcement of his erroneous actions, and civilized training: directing instructions, positive reinforcements and rewards for correct behavior.
Slowly, the husband will get used to talking in a normal voice: his wife will teach him, although he will not even notice it. Most likely, after some time, his attitude to psychology will be able to change, and then it will be possible to simply negotiate with him openly, as with an intelligent person.