disagree without mutual
I will suggest you look at a small fragment of a conversation between two well-educated and already loving each other people. Their names are Ricky and Kate. This small conversation is unlikely to attract your attention – it is so ordinary, familiar, not distinguished by anything. And in my opinion, this is outrageous, because the way Kate says here is an example of rotten negative manipulations, and the link “But everyone does the same!” matters does not change. Let everyone do it – but will you do it?
I am sure that most of the readers of the Psychologist of this article will not understand and will call the author a petty person who, for nothing, will find fault with women. You have the right to such opinions, but you may also be interested in another view, where it is important not to convict, but to tell loving people: what is permissible and what is not. Because if what you do is returned to you by your partner, you will be offended and indignant. And because if you love – you want to take care of your beloved. Yes?
So watch the video. And after that – we will make a transcript of what is happening. Continue reading
“No one owes nothing to nobody!” – I said thirty years ago in the book “How to treat yourself and people: practical psychology for every day.” Since then, an equal number of people have sent me both ardent thanks for this position, which gave them wisdom and peace of mind, and equally fire-breathing claims from those who began to think so, treat people like that and as a result have broken their lives.
I quote the source:
I wake up early in the morning, I need to quickly pack up: I’m flying on a business trip. I understand that I don’t have time already: things are not all gathered, but it would be nice to have breakfast. My wife is lying, but she could probably stand up and help me … I’m ready to express my reproaches to her, but I stop myself at once: “Does this woman, your beloved wife, owe you something? No. But if do you want her to get up and help you, what should you do? – … It’s good to ask her: so that she wants to help you. ” And if she gets up and does everything, what will the husband have to tell her? – Thanks. And if she doesn’t get up (“I didn’t get enough sleep, the child didn’t let me sleep all night”), what should my husband do? At least not to be offended, and maybe apologize for the anxiety. Continue reading
Discussing difficult issues is not easy. When people are addicted, they begin to speak categorically, throw a lot of negativity on their partner and just immediately talk about a lot, raising several topics at once. How to discuss this? Only if you answer the same.
“I get tired, but you don’t help me and behave as if all your whims should be fulfilled immediately!” – what to answer? Now listen to another conversation: “I’m tired and would like to discuss with you, can I count on your help?” – “Oh sure!”. If the conversation is built in the form of dialogue, it’s easier to negotiate.
You do not like the stubborn categorization of your interlocutors? Do you prefer a respectful dialogue in a conversation? Do you think the game “Who’s Got Anyone” is stupid and you would like to conduct the discussion more thoughtfully and collaboratively? So, you will like the technique, exercise and the game “What do you think?”. It’s simple: you begin to speak briefly and, expressing your thoughts briefly, ask your interlocutor: “What do you think?” If you start to behave like this, it’s easy for you to agree with your loved ones to answer you the same. Continue reading